Tim Hortons—makers of coffee-like products, bakery-like goods and extra sucky commercials—has listened to the anguished, poo-breathed cries of its chubby, penny-pinching customers.
Earlier this week, the company announced it was renaming its hot beverage sizes to accommodate its new 24-ounce “extra large” cup of steaming hot mediocrity. Tim Hortons will now refer to a small eight-ounce coffee, tea or chicken gravy as “extra small,” a medium becomes “small” and large “medium.” Its 20-ounce cup, which was previously extra large, has been demoted to “large.”
Dave McKay, Tim Hortons’ director of brand marketing for beverages, told the once esteemed Globe and Mail: “It’s really about what our guests have been asking for.” We never noticed before how much classier “guests” sounds than “greedy, caffeine-addicted customers.” That’s why he’s director of brand marketing for beverages and not us.
Still, a 24-ounce extra large Timmy’s pales in comparison to Starbucks’ gut-busting, 31-ounce “Trenta” size, which is Italian for “tractor belly.” But it does give Tim Hortons customers something to strive fore. Dare to dream, Canada.
